


Old Dog, New Tricks

by UmbreonGurl



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Alternate Universe - K/DA (League of Legends), Cooking, F/F, Fluff, Shenanigans, ahri causes problems on purpose, no beta we die like your inting teammates, rated M solely because of evelynn's potty mouth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:42:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27725656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UmbreonGurl/pseuds/UmbreonGurl
Summary: Ahri is a food thief. Kai'Sa loves her anyways, but it does get rather annoying at times.
Relationships: Ahri/Kai'Sa (League of Legends), Akali/Evelynn (League of Legends)
Comments: 25
Kudos: 238





	Old Dog, New Tricks

Kai’Sa’s long since learned to keep a close eye on Ahri in the kitchen. If you take your eyes off her for even so much as a second, a leg of chicken will go missing or a bit of beef will disappear off the cutting board—hell, if she’s in the mood for it, even things like fruits and vegetables aren’t safe.

Ahri is a food thief, and she’s good at it. By the time you realize she’s even taken anything, she’s already long gone, hiding away with her ill-gotten gains.

It makes trying to cook when she’s home a challenge, and it doesn’t seem like that’s something that’s going to change today—Ahri’s always had a taste for turkey.

“ _No,_ ” Kai’Sa scolds, whacking Ahri’s hand away from the roasting pan not-so-gently with the backside of a nearby wooden spoon. “Hands off.”

Ahri pulls her hand back as if she’d been burned, gently cradling it and pouting. “C’mon, Kai’Sa, I just wanted one piece. Surely you don’t need all of them.”

Kai’Sa turns slightly—any more than that and she’ll lose sight of her ingredients—to give Ahri an unimpressed look.

“I know you well enough to know that one piece means the entire thing. I can’t cook if you eat all my ingredients.”

Sensing that her current approach isn’t going to work, Ahri switches to bargaining, getting up on her toes to put her chin on Kai’Sas shoulders before loosely wrapping her arms around her neck. Ahri’s “injured” hand is seemingly all but forgotten in the process.

“Just one bite won’t hurt anything,” Ahri urges. “There’s a whole turkey there, I could take one of the wings and there’d still be plenty for you to work with. I’d only take one, there’d still be another wing left for whoever wants one later.”

“No.” Kai’Sa doesn’t budge. Give Ahri even so much as an inch of wiggle room and she’ll take a mile. “You can have some at the same time as everyone else: when it’s ready, after it’s been cooked.”

“But then Akali and Eve will hog it. I’m starving, Kai-Kai, if I don’t get anything to eat soon I’ll _die._ ” Ahri presses her face closer into Kai’Sa’s neck and tightens her arms. “You wouldn’t want that, right?”

“There’s protein bars in the cupboard. If you’re really that hungry and can’t wait until later, help yourself.” Kai’Sa gently shrugs Ahri off of her, and she almost wants to laugh at how Ahri’s tail near-instantly starts waving angrily side-to-side in the air. 

Ahri’s ears flatten back towards the curve of her skull. “Those taste like chalk and you know it. I wouldn’t eat those even if they were the last thing on Earth.”

“Good thing they aren't, then. There’s plenty of snacks in the pantry, several of which I know for a fact that you like. Take your pick.”

Ahri doesn’t even think twice before answering. “I think I’ll have turkey.”

“Not a snack, not in the pantry, and not an option. Try again.”

“Turkey sounds nice,” Ahri repeats, insistent. 

“No,” Kai’Sa repeats. She turns for a second to grab a knife to cut the onions with. “Keep trying.”

When Ahri doesn’t let out another snarky response, Kai’Sa’s stomach drops. Upon turning back around, the first thing Kai’Sa notices is that Ahri is gone. The second is that so is one of the turkey’s wings. 

That sneaky _bitch._

* * *

Ahri is smart enough to stay away from the kitchen after that, but not quite enough to wipe the shit-eating grin off her face before she sits down at the dinner table.

Kai’Sa almost wants to slap it off of her, but instead settles on glaring her down as she brings dishes to the table. One look into Ahri’s eyes is all Kai’Sa needs to know that she’s not sorry.

She’s still not sorry by the time everyone takes their seats, Kai’Sa next to the offender herself and Akali and Evelynn on the opposite side.

Akali reaches for the platter of carved-up turkey eagerly, before pausing after she gets a closer look.

“What the hell, dude, I called dibs on the wings, who took one?”

It takes all of Kai’Sa’s self-control not to send a pointed look Ahri’s way.

“Don’t be greedy,” Evelynn chides, grabbing the serving fork and plopping a wing onto Akali’s plate. “You’ll be fine with one.”

“But I called dibs—”

Evelynn ignores her and turns to Kai’Sa. “I trust you saved me the legs, Kai’Sa darling?”

“Of course,” Kai’Sa says, “they’re in the kitchen. They wouldn’t fit on the plate with everything else.”

“Wonderful. Thank you, dear.” With that, Evelynn gets up, grabs her plate, and makes her way to the kitchen.

“Oh, so _I’m_ the greedy one, but she wants two whole-ass legs to herself and she’s completely fine,” Akali grumbles, as she reaches over and grabs a roll from the breadbasket. “I see how it is.”

“You _are_ greedy,” Ahri agrees, as Akali passes the breadbasket over. “Two turkey wings is too much for anyone, let alone someone your size.”

“Says the one who ate a wing before it was even cooked,” Kai’Sa snips, before she can stop herself.

Ahri turns towards Kai’Sa with a look that all but screams _traitor_. Kai’Sa simply raises an eyebrow. Ahri was the traitor first, so this is merely payback, not betrayal.

Akali’s head turns at record speeds to glare at Ahri. “Ahri, what the fuck? You knew I had dibs.” 

“Actually,” Ahri says, indignantly raising a finger in the air, “by the time you called dibs, I had already eaten it.”

“And you said _nothing?”_

“Of course, Kai’Sa was already pissed at me—”

Kai’Sa cuts in. “Still am, actually.”

“—and I didn’t want to stir anything up.” Ahri shrugs. “Didn’t really work, though. Oops.”

“Please.” Evelynn takes her seat back at the table and gives Ahri an appraising glance over her turkey legs. “I’m sure you knew quite well what you were doing, you’re just poorly trained.”

“Fuck you, Eve, I’m not a dog.”

“When you walk like one and you bark like one… Well.” Evelynn picks up a turkey leg and takes a bite with a small shrug. “You really can’t blame me for assuming.”

“If anyone’s an animal here, it’s you,” Ahri counters, pointing at Evelynn’s plate. “Two turkey legs? Really?”

Evelynn locks eyes with Ahri as she takes another bite. “Of course. _A girl’s gotta eat,_ as the kids say. You should try it sometime. A little food does wonders for your complexion.”

“What are you, a boomer?” Akali comments, over a mouthful of food. “You don’t do a great job of making yourself not sound like a corpse when you say stuff like that, Eve.”

Evelynn simply smiles. “Why, if I’m a corpse, then that makes you a necrophiliac, Akali dear. How _deviant._ We already knew you were a bit of a rebel, but that’s a lot—even for you.”

Kai’Sa sighs and takes a sip of her drink. She probably should have put two shots of booze in it instead of one, now that she thinks about it.

Evelynn waves a hand in the air dismissively. “But at least you’re not fucking a dog, so I suppose you’ve still got it better than Kai’Sa, if we were to go around comparing.”

Kai’Sa sets her drink down and takes a deep breath. She then promptly reaches across the table for the turkey leg Evelynn hasn’t touched yet, grabs it, brings it up to her mouth, and defiantly meets Evelynn’s eyes as she takes a big fat bite of it.

“Insult the chef again,” she says. “I dare you.”

* * *

Despite how chaotic most of their sit-down meals are, dishes tend to be a rather quiet affair. Everyone knows the rules: if you didn’t do the cooking, you do the cleaning. It goes by quickly with three pairs of hands on the job. (Although it may as well be four, considering the way Evelynn all but has an extra pair of them.)

There’s a few snippy comments here and there and Kai’Sa’s pretty sure someone got splashed with some soapy water, but for the most part everyone focuses to get the job done, before splitting up and going their separate ways.

It doesn’t take Ahri long to promptly hop into bed, and Kai’Sa quickly follows.

“I can’t believe Evelynn said you were fucking a dog,” Ahri says, scooting over and wrapping her tail around Kai’Sa’s ankles. “It’s one thing to call me one, it’s another to bring you into things when you cooked us a nice meal.”

“She’s Evelynn,” Kai’Sa points out. “Is there anything one can truly consider off-limits when it comes to her?”

“Her cars,” Ahri replies. “You saw what happened when I tried to sneak into the garage.”

“I meant in terms of her actions, but that's true,” Kai’Sa agrees.

“Oh. Then no, not really. She doesn’t care,” Ahri says, before pausing to correct herself. “Although she’s gotten quite a bit tamer in recent years.”

“How so?” 

Ahri shrugs. “Well, for one thing, she’s not killing people left and right whenever she pleases. She still does it, yeah, but at least she’s not leaving bodies in the front hall every other week. It took her a while, but she finally learned some self-control.”

Kai’Sa nudges Ahri’s arm. “I see you still haven’t, miss _“turkey sounds nice.”_ ”

Ahri briefly glances away, this time at least having the decency to look guilty. “Sorry.”

“I honestly should have expected you’d pull something like that. It’s my own fault for taking my eyes off of you.” Kai’Sa shrugs. “I feel like—at this point, I should probably just start buying a little extra of whatever I’m making since you always end up stealing some.”

“That…” Ahri pauses, before visibly perking up, tail thumping against Kai’Sa’s leg. “That actually sounds like a great idea. You’re a genius, Kai’Sa.”

“Thank you. I have my moments.” There’s a brief moment of silence before Kai’Sa speaks up again. “I do think Evelynn did have a point, though. You _are_ poorly trained.”

Ahri punches Kai’Sa’s arm, but the smile on her face clearly says that she’s not actually angry. 

“Don’t listen to Satan,” she says, “her words may sound pretty, but I promise she’s trouble and she speaks nothing but lies.”

“You’ll have to prove it the next time you’re in the kitchen, then, because it seems like the truth to me.”

Ahri nods. “I can do that.”

“I’ll put you to work tomorrow,” Kai’Sa hums. “I could always use an extra pair of hands to help with the prep.”

Ahri grins. “I’d be happy to.”

“You can’t eat anything as we work, though,” Kai’Sa points out.

Ahri frowns. “I take it back.”

**Author's Note:**

> If I can't have a normal Thanksgiving this year you damn well bet I'mma make my four favorite anime girls do it instead LMAO. For ya'll Americans out there, have a good one and stay safe. For everyone else, still have a good one and stay safe. 
> 
> For snippets, updates on what I'm working on, and a shit ton of art retweets, feel free to check out my [twitter.](https://twitter.com/UmbreonGurl)


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